Ch Ch Ch Changes! Let's Talk About Perimenopause

Ch Ch Ch Changes! Let's Talk About Perimenopause - Venus Matters

For decades, my cycle was like clockwork — 28 days, on the dot. Even as a young girl, when I was first taught to track my fertility, I appreciated its steady rhythm. And then, somewhere in my late 40s, the clock lost it.

Some cycles came early, some late. Sometimes they were so heavy I was surprised by late-night "flooding" (which can happen during menarche and perimenopause). I was scared. I thought the loss of regularity might mean something terrible was happening.

So I made an appointment with my wonderful OB/GYN in Manhattan. He had always been reassuring. He ordered a full panel of tests, including hormonal.

The results showed nothing wrong.

I left his office no less enlightened — but at least not fearing the worst.

What I wish my well-meaning doctor had told me was this: I was perimenopausal, but hormonal blood tests are largely useless for diagnosing it. One of the defining features of perimenopause is hormonal variability — not just decline. In a study of over 2,800 women, there was no statistical difference in average estrogen levels between pre- and peri-menopausal subjects. The same woman, tested every few days, could produce wildly different results.

FSH — the hormone your pituitary sends to nudge your ovaries into maturing an egg — is typically part of the panel. But during perimenopause, those signals get unstable. You can have elevated FSH one month and normal levels the next. The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, NICE in the UK, and the British Menopause Society all agree: for women over 45 with typical symptoms, hormone testing isn't recommended for diagnosis. 

My doctor wasn't negligent — he was simply practicing medicine the way too many doctors do: trusting the lab over the lived experience, which no test can capture.

A couple of years after that appointment, my first Venus Mat samples arrived. When my period came a few days later, I slept on one. I woke up elated — instead of getting up in the night to change pads and check the sheets, I felt rested and uplifted. I thought, I wish I'd had this before my fibroid was removed, back when my periods were so heavy I'd become anemic.

That first night gave my body permission to just be. I wanted every woman to have that experience.

Little did I know, that was my last period. I had entered menopause.

Perimenopause Is Having a Moment

And it's about time. Roughly two million women in the U.S. enter perimenopause every year, yet a National Institutes of Health survey found the transition "remains poorly understood and under-addressed in healthcare." Shockingly, some 94% of women report receiving no education about menopause at all. Most of us walk into one of the biggest transitions of our lives completely in the dark.

Here's what we know: perimenopause can start as early as your mid-to-late 30s, with hormonal shifts beginning a full decade before your last period. The transition itself often lasts 4–10 years. And because estrogen receptors live throughout the body — not just the uterus — the symptom list is long.

The familiar ones: hot flashes, night sweats, irregular periods, vaginal dryness, mood swings, low libido, weight gain, insomnia.

The ones doctors rarely mention:

  • Brain fog — the disorienting moment a word you've known your whole life simply isn't there.
  • New-onset anxiety or depression, even in women who've never struggled with either.
  • Joint and muscle pain — estrogen protects joints; less of it means more aches.
  • Heart palpitations — estrogen steadies the autonomic nervous system, which regulates heart rhythm. When it fluctuates wildly, so can your heartbeat.
  • Digestive changes, bloating, and constipation — estrogen affects gut motility. This one surprised me.
  • Tinnitus, burning mouth syndrome (10–40% of women!), and increased UTI frequency.
  • Electric shock sensations, formication (the crawling-skin feeling), and tingling extremities.

It's a daunting list. And even more concerning: Women who experienced trauma earlier in life may have a harder transition, with some experiencing PTSD resurfacing as estrogen drops. And when women bring these symptoms to their doctors, they're too often told it's just stress — or all i"n their heads."

That may be, in part, literally true: Dr. Lisa Mosconi's research shows just how profoundly declining estrogen affects the brain. Decades of underfunded women's health research mean we're only now beginning to understand the full picture.

Generations of women went through this unbelieved, unprepared, and unsupported. That's a failure of medicine — and of culture. Both are changing.

How To Prepare: A Holistic Path

The good news: we know a lot about what helps.

Food. The Mediterranean diet has strong research backing for easing symptoms. (Source: IFM — link to Add phytoestrogens (flaxseed, soy, lentils, chickpeas), calcium + vitamin D for bone density, omega-3s for heart health — and more protein than you probably think you need.

Movement. Strength training is non-negotiable; estrogen helps maintain muscle and bone. Yoga, tai chi, or qi gong (my favorite) reduce both hot flashes and mood symptoms. (Source: AJM) 

Sleep. Consistent timing, less alcohol, a cool room, less screen time. A Venus Mat helps too — breathable, soft protection so you're not sleeping in a pool of sweat.

Nervous system. MBSR, CBT, and breathwork all show real results for the anxiety and mood shifts of this transition. The emotional volatility is real, and it lands harder on an already-overwhelmed body.

Supplements. Ashwagandha for stress, red clover and black cohosh for hot flashes, magnesium for sleep and mood, B vitamins for energy. A functional doctor can help dial in what's right for you.

Track yourself. A simple journal — what you eat, drink, feel — gives you and your practitioner real data. Get in the driver's seat.

Find your people. Seek out doctors, especially functional and holistic practitioners, who validate your experience and look at your whole health. The conversation is changing — take advantage of it. 

The Meta-View of Magnificence

I'd love to add a different perspective: What if menopause isn't a medical problem to be managed, but a rite of passage to be honored — even celebrated?

My first years after menopause coincided with the disorienting grief of losing my sister. I cut my hair short a year after Jeanette died, to let my grays grow in. Since she never got to grow old, I decided to embrace aging for us both.

Menopause felt like being pushed off a 90-mile-an-hour train — fueled by what I call the body's procreative pact — and landing on a bicycle powered by my own two legs.

Pleasure has become something I intentionally cultivate. It's true: Use it or lose it. Many older women report little interest in sex, and that's okay — but some of us are having the best sex of our lives in our 50s and 60s. (I know, because women tell me their Venus Mats are helping set the stage.)

I've learned to more  boldly ask for what I want, and to stop settling for the wham-bam sex too many of us endured. I’m also enjoying the subtler pleasures that take me by surprise on any given day, like a soft breeze kissing my skin.

I’m relishing giving less f*cks about what others think— and simply stand in my own knowing of what I truly need to enjoy my life and bring my gifts into the world. I am deepening into the power of prayer and gratitude for my life, even as watch the wrinkles radiate around my eyes— that’s not going to stop me from laughing out loud whenever I feel the urge, even at myself.

Life is a gift. And menopause is a gift to our species.

We are the only primates — among very few mammals on earth — where females outlive their reproductive life by decades. For most animals, the end of fertility is the end of life. In humans, a woman can have forty-plus years of vitality after her last period. Why?

One illuminating answer: the Grandmother Hypothesis. Anthropologist Kristen Hawkes found that maternal grandmothers dramatically boosted their grandchildren's survival. Her conclusion: post-reproductive women weren't a biological afterthought. They were essential. 

Maybe menopause isn't happening to us — maybe it evolved for us, and for the species. What if we start thinking about the decades after fertility not as a postscript, but as a wildly important chapter full of untold potencies and possibilities? Menopausal women are learning to tap into more courage, wisdom, and purpose, not just for themselves, but for all of humanity.

Ancient cultures knew this. The crone (we need a new word for her!) wasn't a figure of diminishment, but of wise magnificence — the keeper of knowledge, the one who'd been through fire and could help others not get burned. Cultures that hold elder women as sacred have something we've largely lost in the West.

So speak up. Sing out. Dance wildly. This is not the end — it's a beginning.

You'll grieve (I did — some days the tears came like a river). You'll adjust, in ways small and large. But "the change" isn't something to fear when you let it change you into the empowered woman you were born to be.

Jules Cazedessus is the founder and CEO of Venus Matters, creators of luxury waterproof intimacy mats made in the USA — PFAS-free, guaranteed waterproof for ten years. Born to honor girls and women and all the cycles of life.

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