Six Steps to Unlocking More Love & Pleasure

Six Steps to Unlocking More Love & Pleasure

Love is the foundation for every truly satisfying pleasure and pleasure is our divine birthright. May this short guide help you open the safe that resides in the heart of love, unlocking its deepest treasures and pleasures.

Step 1: Appreciate

This is it. This moment. This body. This time. It will never come again.

Once this moment passes it will forever be in your rear-view mirror. Are you ready to take the wheel of existence in both hands and journey to the land of more empowered love & pleasure? Then buckle in and look around.

Learn how to better appreciate where you are right now.

Imagine you're in a luxurious movie theater with red velvet curtains and plush, comfortable chairs. As you settle in, suddenly, on screen—it’s you.

You are the star of your own life story. So are you thinking, feeling and acting like the hero or heroine you’d be compelled to watch? Are you living in a way that elicits your own internal applause?

Look, it’s simple: if you don’t LOVE your life then who the f*ck ever will? Simple but not easy. Appreciation is a muscle. We need to build it.

Appreciating the present is the first ninja move to enhancing your love life. No matter what's happening. No matter how many tasks are left undone on your to-do list. Even in the face of great difficulties—you exist.

Your body is the result of billions of years of evolutionary intelligence and this moment is miraculous. Each breath. Each glance. Each step. Never again.

Commit to cultivating a deep appreciation for your life. Then bring the overflow to your lover. 

Let your skin breathe with gratitude…and you’ll be surprised how obstacles fall away and present pleasures unfurl under your tender, scintillating touch.

Step 2: Initiate

There’s a cold chasm that can open in an instant between people...filled with fears and insecurities, uncertainties and hesitations. It’s easy to fall into that yawning gap.

Many people are holding back their true feelings. Pretending they’re other than who they really are, going along with a program, or some pre-approved “date night out.”

And then, you’re not authentically there, together. Not really.

You’re clinging to the edge of the pool, watching and waiting for the other to make a move proving it’s safe to dive in. But when you're both waiting for the other to make a move, you might never reach the wonderful depths of empowered love & pleasure.

Throw off the mental shackles and extend yourself across the divide. Who says you’re not supposed to talk about sex, politics or religion? Talk about whatever's burning in your heart and mind. FInd out what their real passions are... When you authentically initiate sharing this deeply, you’ll find yourself in the sparkling realms of real connection.

Try asking her what she’s most afraid to tell you, then listen without judgment. Reveal what you really feel about him (without pressuring him to be your prince charming). Using I-statements will keep you both on track.

Bravely claim your fantasies and your foibles, your wild, wicked and wonderful ways. But don't just talk! Ritualize the space between you with potent eye-gazing.

Sexual adventurousness comes second—first you have to undress each others' hearts & minds. It's a lot more fun than languishing on the shallow shores of chitchat, and it’s a very, very effective form of foreplay.

The best orgasms come after you’ve wrestled beyond habitual defenses to the innermost chambers of the soul, witnessing each other’s splendid and utterly unique light. When you do, you’ll find that in the bedroom, it’s easier to try something new or break a silly taboo.

There are hundreds of positions and thousands of possibilities between two souls unfurling in the dance of intimacy.

And it all begins with you bravely being you.

 Step 3: Negotiate

We all have opposing thoughts, feelings, needs, and desires. Times that by two in relationship. So of course, we want different things at different times. What to do?

Schedule a playful-planning party (with drinks and treats). Scheme, dream, and discuss all the luscious possibilities. Write a bunch of options—from the ordinary to the outrageous—on little slips of paper and toss them into a hat or a bowl. Each of you, pick two, then watch which ones makes you both light up. Pay close attention. If it’s not a win/win it’s not the right choice.

Would a movie and a bowl of popcorn be the ideal date? A mutual massage session? Or maybe a reservation at that new restaurant in town? How about a dance class? A hike?

You don’t have to make it a surprise but don’t just ask, “What do you want to do tonight?” This is your chance to create a memorable night together. What indelible page in the book of your lovelife are you going to write tonight?

Powerful lovers know how to negotiate, creating the best contexts for mutually satisfying, sexy scenarios.

Step 4: Resonate

Music relies on the law of sympathetic resonance. Pluck a string on a guitar or piano and every other note subtly vibrates. Otherwise, the note would sound hollow, thin, and discordant.

The trick here is to hold your own note and, at the same time, vibrate with your lover’s note. 

For some, hearing your lover’s note comes more easily (they may even forget to listen to their own inner tone). For others, this will take practice.

Either way, if you don’t sympathetically resonate, both with yourself and your lover, you won't tap shared pleasures.

There’s a technique taught to actors learning improvisation. You have to meet whatever the other person says on stage with a “Yes and….”

If you’re pushing your plan, angsty about your agenda, the scene invariably falls flat.

Don’t try to fix, placate, change or mitigate. Anchor yourself in yourself while reaching into your lover’s experience.

Practice saying Yes to whatever your partner’s experiencing (even if it’s not what you would have wanted). Now, this doesn’t mean you have to agree to everything they’re requesting. A firm but loving No can be just as juicy as a Yes—and a Yes that’s a lie feels icky.

Resonance is a surefire technology to exponentially increase love & pleasure. If she’s angry: let yourself reflect that state with a compassionate “I see you’re upset.” If he's in need of a little reassurance: beam your loving understanding into his eyes, touching him in a way that tells him, “I’ve got you.”

If your lover isn’t feeling the love, undoubtably, they’d rather not be feeling that way either!

So remember, if you meet them where they are, you’re much more likely to lead them back to the enchanted land of love.

The truth is, whatever you resist not only persists, it pisses on the smoldering fires of pleasure. Cultivate your ability to resonate or risk losing intimacy on this and every other potentially enchanting night.

When you meet what’s happening with a generous openness, you’ll find that logistical mishaps or emotional storms more easily pass.

Resonance requires that you put aside your idea of how things should go and melt into the flow of what is unfolding. Holding each like this is hot AF.                   

Step 5: Consecrate

To consecrate something sets it apart, ritualizes it, makes it holy.

We are living in a time where, all too often, nothing is sacred. Maybe that’s because a lot of what’s considered holy (at least, by organized religion) is really just a lie designed to make humans into sinners requiring the redemption of the guru/priest or church (which is good for business and for followers).

Let’s reclaim the power of ritualizing and sanctifying our own lives by inhabiting our own body-temples.

"Spirit" comes from the word "breath" and that's the fastest way into the temple. With awareness and intentionality —and lots and lots of breath— we create a temple in time for loving making sans manipulation, shame, or unconsciousness.

Unfurling a Venus Mat is a great way to set the stage for such sacred encounters.

Author David Deida claims that all women really want to be f*cked to God. Maybe that’s also why an orgasm in French is called le petite mort (the little death).

Through orgasm we touch the majesty and miracle of existence and the exquisite annihilation of separateness. We become one with God and each other.

Let sex become your hot & holy prayer.

Step 6: Satiate

When you play this deep, the path is cleared to profound love & pleasure. But please don’t rush to the finish line. Slow…way…down.

Rest easy, knowing you’ve cultivated an exquisite connection:

You’ve expanded your gratitude.

You’ve sparked deep revelations and reached across the divides.

You’ve made mutually satisfying plans.

You’re resonating with each other like two well-tuned violin strings.

If you sincerely follow these steps, a red-hot intimacy naturally follows. And when you consistently keep this beautiful behavior up, you’ll find your partner accessible, excited, ripe to your touch.

Then you’ll be cultivating the deep, true love you so richly deserve, and that is the basis of the most powerful pleasure.

Satiation is the sweet condensation of a life well-lived and well-loved. In this delicious state, your deepest desires are more easily met because you’re giving more than you ever thought possible.

To your ever-deepening delight!

Jules Cazedessus
Founder & CEO

Special thanks to my friends Bryan Franklin and Annie Lalla for their teachings on "appreciating the present state" and "clapping for yourself."

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